Nelson FC Chairman Alan Pickering today issued a statement regarding the future intentions of the Club.

"After an incredibly productive meeting between the Board of Directors - a celebration in itself - the Club are delighted to announce that they have decided to transfer the first team to the West Lancashire League, starting from season 2005/6.

"Whilst there is a great amount of sadness at abandoning the pyramid structure of the Football Association, the Club are determined to give their loyal long-suffering fans the opportunity of following a promotion-winning side, something the Club are certain they will be able to achieve in the new league.

"We will take away with us many fond memories of our time in the North West Counties League, spanning back over more than 20 years. The highlight without doubt was winning the Division Two Trophy against all the odds in 1997, seeing off strong favourites Garswood United in the final.

"However, with the North West Counties Second Division title having being bought with ridiculously obscene amounts of money over the last few seasons, we will now kick-off 2005/6 in Division One of the slightly less demanding West Lancashire League, the second level of a three-tiered league.

"Our manager David Hall is delighted with the move, and has already set his players a target of 80 points from the 30 games next season, with leading scorer Paul Barrett warned he'd better hit at least 40 goals against the lesser opposition, regardless of the fact his weekly wage will be reduced to a pint of bitter and a bag of salted peanuts (dry roasted for a hat-trick).

"As well as romping home in the league next season, our supporters will be buoyed by the prospect of shorter trips for the away games, which will see us clashing against the likes of Crosshills, Garstang and Lytham St. Annes. Not to mention entrance fees will average out at a pound a game.

"This truly is set to be the beginning of the exciting times ahead for Nelson Football Club, and even the tea-lady has already paid for a case of Mr. Sheen - out of her own money - and cleaned the trophy cabinet in anticipation of some silverware. So let the party begin!"

It has to be said that it is an incredible decision by the Club to return to a League they played in for a few seasons towards the end of the 80s, and initial opinion from the fans is not what the Chairman will be wanting to hear. An example being a quote from a fan who would only identify herself as 'Mrs. A.':

"There's no ****ing chance I'm going watching 'em play in that bl***y Mickey-Mouse League. I'd rather go and watch that shower o' sh**e down at Colne! ... hmm, on second thoughts, scrub that last bit will ya?"